You’ll Hurt Me if You Don’t Trust Me

First shared in the 9 August 2022 Newsletter

Ahh.. Patrick Swayze. I never got the hype until I decided to watch Dirty Dancing at 5AM on a flight to NYC. Just the movie to prep for a retreat right? About halfway through the movie and a few drowse head nods later I got to this scene. As Johnny recovers from another failed lift he looks at Baby across the field and sternly warns her, "You'll hurt me if you don't trust me."

I felt something whisper within me. Not as a threat. No, it was nowhere near a threat. It was a plea. A very gentle one, "please trust me... let yourself be lifted by me."

This trip back to NY was exciting and bittersweet. I was headed back to a place that held many dear memories but also would hold loss for me. Loss of what was, for what I do not have anymore, for what I've had to let go of. It was a close to chapter that I hadn't yet wanted to close.. and mostly because I am still hesitant to trust. Can this new chapter really be good? Will he actually provide? Is he really with me in this loneliness? and if I'm being really honest the questions sounded more like Why did you ask me to let go Lord? Why aren't you with me? Did I do something to upsetyou? Where are you? There I sat crying in seat 24F.I want to be as free as Baby being lifted up in the air by Johnny. But I am filled with so much doubt and distrust.

I want to be free Lord. I want to be free.

Our trust is not without consequences.Not only will we stay tied to the ground but we may hurt ourselves and others in the process. Oh but how much he wants us to run, to dance, to thrive. And to do it all with him, through him, and in him.

"I want you to be free... my little one. Please trust me." That you are continually holding me and sustaining me, Jesus I trust in you.

Be not afraid.

xx Mariana